A typical day on "Oprah"
Oprah: I am happy to say that everyone in the studio audience gets a brand new blowjob!
Audience: OH MY GAAAAWWWWDDDDD!
Oprah: YOU get a blowjob! YOU get a blowjob! YOU get a blowjob!
Me: *raises hand*
Soundtrack of the Universe: *record scratch*
Audience: *stares at you*
Oprah: *confused look* Uuhhh yes, you in the back.
Me: Yeah...um can I just have a car or maybe even a village in Africa, instead?
Oprah: *grows red horns* Wh-what did you just say?!
Me: :O OH NOTHING! *nervous laugh* Can I get some skin numbing cream?
meladoodle: long text posts are kinda a hit and miss game cause half of the people won’t read it unless it has tons of notes
imawanchor: i have watched this like six times and i still have never watched anything as heartbreakingly hilarious as this in my life
Only Posers Die.
caraphernelia-0: THAT SHIT MADE ME FUCKING CRY FOR MONTHS . I’M STILL NOT OVER IT , JUST THINKING ABOUT IT MAKES ME CRY LIKE A LIL BITCH , LIKE RIGHT NOW I’M STARTING TO CRY DO YOU SEE WHAT YOU’VE DONE . OMFG I HATE YOU SO MUCH FOR THIS Awwwww I feel bad now :/
ciinnamonn: Judith kills the Governor
virginitybandit: why suck at life when you can suck my dick
darkbluec0nstellations: I don’t trust people that don’t like Wasting Time (Eternal Summer) by Four Year Strong.